I battle with a lot of what you wrote here too. I am seeing more and more that people on all these social media platforms have an agenda….we all do, whether that agenda is to make friends, make money, be seen and heard, promote our cause, or be supported and circulated.
And now, I tread carefully with making friends online - especially in the climate we’re in energetically. Everyone and everything is falling apart and being brought to see their own naked ness…. for as long as they’re willing to. The collective shadow of humanity is flying amuck.
We’re all trying to make it right now in a broken world where we’re falling apart too, and trying to discern if it’s safe to crumble around some, or if they will try to deplete us more in their struggle for a temporary ego hit. The shadow wars are real, and as a highly sensitive person, I I find it difficult to participate on these platforms most days because just going through notes can disturb my frequency.
I am also guilty of encouraging people to go forward and past their own fears and limitations, but I’m not always loyal in following through anymore. Not because I don’t want to or am insincere, but because it is hard sometimes to show up for others when I need to be showing up for myself and my children.
It’s hard to pull myself away from helping others because as a child I was made to feel useless unless I was doing, or contributing. As an adult, I am healing and trying to strike the balance - finding my true identity outside of being a people pleaser, outside of seeking love for how I can show up for others and sacrifice myself.
I am learning how to sincerely want and nurture the best in others without martyring myself. I am learning how to be self-preserving, and therefore seeing whose agenda truly aligns with my own….because so many love to prey on my desire to give and help, or just on my confidence and light.
I hope you find your balance because it is hard. I am trying to figure out my own level of feeling comfortable with the “social” aspect of social media because on many days it all feels fake and contrived to me. Maybe that is my own jadedness and heartbreak, but I can’t deny it is what I feel.
I am focusing now solely on doing what I want to do in these spaces, with the hope that once the dust settles, I will be aligned with those who genuinely wish me well and love my craft for no other reason than that they vibe with my frequency.
I applaud you setting your boundaries for what you will or won’t subscribe to here or anywhere…I’m a big proponent of that. I wish you the best, and that you find those who are doing the deep soul work that allows for them to love you sincerely in spaces like these… as I do the work too.
Leo season flares up the petty jealousies that people don’t want to take accountability for, and if you shine bright….this time of the year can feel cutting, especially as the full moon in Aquarius gets closer. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone in what you’re going through 🤗✨
There is so much that you shared in this comment that resonates with why I stepped away from my private reiki practice last year. For my entire life if I wasn't exhausting my energy into others' success then I was useless, I find that subconsciously my ego sought connections that would continue in that cycle.
My rising sign is in Leo so there is a part of me that is meant to shine and I've allowed my conditions to dim my light for too long. This post was my declaration to my light, the more I share my truth the vulnerable side that most people don't talk about that eats me up inside, then the more I will connect with the REAL love.
The more I focus my attention on nurturing the REAL love that I receive then the fake love will no longer bother me because I will no longer give it energy. I always tell people when I share my vulnerability I already healed through this but I share my process of navigating those emotions. I love that I can write with passion and realness in the moment but by the time I share it with the world I'm at peace, yet it still resonates with others right where they are at. That is healing. To me, that is how I continue my healing practice now, through my words.
I pour my emotions into my words and when the reader seeks compassion and understanding, my vulnerable moments hit home and touch their soul like it touched mine. That's the gift, that's what keeps me going even when I want to throw in the towel.
This weekend brought me a lot of clarity for this space and that lifetime friendships will come over time so I can allow those to be a gift. I think about my relationship with my partner and how she is my best friend, a connection I didn't form online and we built over time.
Thank you for reading, commenting, and sharing! This means so much to me!
With your rising sign in Leo, you were literally born to shine and walk in integrity with your heart’s truth. Our rising sign is actually more indicative of who we are, and who we were sent here to be. I’m a Leo Sun and Virgo Ascending, so writing and speaking are what I’m here to give the world. Don’t get me started on astrology 😂
I have so much respect for beings who are REAL. None of us have all the answers - we’re all here trying to figure shit out, and when we’re real and vulnerable about this, we can literally change a heart, heal a mind, and save the world.
I’m so happy you found your best friend in your partner - that is a beautiful thing. As you continue to follow that big heart of yours, and show up in the light of your truth, may you one day look around and see all the love you give out surrounding you at last.
It is my belief that we all deserve to be loved lavishly, but we don’t always know how to love others the way they need, and some people don’t know how to love us correctly either. This is what makes true alignment with soul family so precious and rare.
Imagine what the world would look like if everyone just stayed around those they’re property equipped to love. Imagine what the world will look like once we align with those who love us truly for who we are, and the feeling is so mutual.
It sounds like that world already exists for you and your partner. And is exists for me and my children. So, it’s not a far fetched thing to believe that it’s possible in grander and bigger ways ☺️
Thanks again for a thought provoking and heart clearing post 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🤗🤗🤗
Creating a world for my family to experience unconditional love was our mission when we left our home in NC to plant our roots here in California. It's been a lot of beautiful lessons learned along the way and my intention is by sharing the realness others will be inspired to create this world we both learned to create for ourselves.
Just to let you know Jacquie and Solarah what you both have written today has given hope and turned on my light a little brighter. Blessings to you. I would like your comments, but for some reason I can no longer do that unless I use the app. Both of you have a warm beautiful day. ✨💖💫🤗
Oooo I want to say so much. Let me grab my laptop because GIRL! You said so much that I left out but YES! Be on the lookout for another comment from me about THIS!
Thank you Solarah for addressing your battles with friendships from social media platforms. I too will be treading carefully when making friends online, actually killing it altogether. It's just not worth my energy when I am trying to give it to myself, my kids and the purpose I came here for. I came to Jacquie's piece from the one you posted today. It's weird because I am taking a hiatus from Substack, more like a Sabbatical. I have nothing more to write about at this time. I was going to announce it but I don't have any paid subscriptions so seemed kind of narcissistic to me. I guess I'm stating it here. The decision to do this came at pretty much precisely the time a friend I made here nuked our friendship. It was ugly and came out of nowhere. This is a person I truly cared for and only wanted to see her (yes) succeed. I helped her twice at a time she was really down and never once asked for anything. I never expected anything and was always respectful to her and appreciated boundaries. The break came when I was helping her out of a bind while simultaneously taking care of my shit and purpose, so it wasn't good enough. In her eyes, I became the worst person for that. It was jolting and cruel. I know who I am and my heart is light. It still cut though. This experience along with the feeling of leaving Substack to work on things I need to handle IRL along with building out a different platform for my work shows me it's the right time to walk away. It's not that I won't write again, just putting it down. When you know, you know. Temet Nosce all day in this bitch. I'm not running from anything, definitely running into. One thing is for sure though, when I come back, the first person I'm subscribing to is Jacquie. Solarah, keep being you. I've appreciated your Stack's wisdom and will definitely return to it. You ladies take care.
I’m going to miss you Chris. I don’t spend too much time here outside of posting, but the few times we’ve interacted, I’ve really vibed with your spirit. May you find those in real time who love and appreciate you for all that you are. Wishing you all the best with your writing and all things 🤗🤗🤗
Thanking Solarah for introducing me to you Jacquie. I found you Jacquie through Solarah’s post. This has really helped me this morning come to grips with how I was ghosted here on Substack from somebody I truly admired. She didn’t unsubscribe to me, but she just stopped interacting with me. I have no idea why 🤷♀️ I thought perhaps she just lowered her presence here on Substack, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Anyway I will probably never know the reason why, but we only need a handful of good friends. That’s what my mother always told me when I wanted to be popular back in junior high school. Thank both you ladies so much! Blessings to you! ✨💜✨🌞
Thanking you both so much! This has been some thing on my mind the last few weeks and weighed heavily on me. And today it just disappeared when you and Jacquie shined your beautiful light giving me resolution and understanding. 🙏🤗💜✨
I appreciate your comment so much, this "leader" word is so triggering. It's been attached to me in many ways over the past couple of weeks and I think it's got a lot to do with this piece and what you are saying in this comment!
I am a walking trigger because of my dedication to healing and evolution, so whew the backlash for that path has always shocked me. Why do others hate that rather than be inspired by it?
But most aren't that way and that's what makes me and likesouls unique. We see and care differently, from our hearts with intention and care. I appreciate you so much, always!
Problem is, we all are called to lead in some way but most want to lead in ways they SEE not in the ways they BE. And then they get mad when either it’s not them doing what you do or them being too afraid to do what they should be doing.
Personally I feel relief when I see someone else step up and do some shit cuz I’m usually the INNOVATOR and rarely just a PARTICIPATOR and that shit can be tiring. Especially when it’s in a lane I don’t even care to be in but the driver is missing. 😂.
Meanwhile, you will always be a magnet (for good and evil) especially the closer you get to DIVINE BALANCE. Fortunately, the more you define (not defend) your boundaries, the more you will naturally repel the vampiric energies that want a cheat code to your hard earned status.
These are words the Ancestors told me to stop my cleaning to tell you. Let da Niggods be with you.
If some people don't appreciate you find some that do. It's sad when people don't show you the same love that you show them but I guess that's part of life whether on this platform or another. Whether online or real life.
It’s so sad but I’ve been pushing through it by continuing to show up and the people who support me replace the ones that don’t in NUMBERS! This is the first time I’ve experienced both sides and it’s been a weight lifted off me to speak my truth about it.
The tragedy is that we can't just find some who do because they don't go around with tags on their foreheads that state “I genuinely care.” You might’ve exhausted so much time and effort for certain people before realizing everything was a charade and they don't give an inkling about you.
It sucks, it really does! But, I'm glad Jacquie was able to vent because not everyone is willing to throw such bluntness.
But how I wish people came with "I genuinely care" tags. I might just wear a "Fragile" tag on mine to avoid people mishandling me moving forward. I am going to explore with my fragile tag looks like energetically.
Thank you, Essy! I appreciate you saying this because I sat on this piece for a long time for the fact that it's not something talked about openly. Maybe that's my style of writing, perhaps I'm the vessel being used to say it!
Know that I have appreciated the enthusiastic open armed welcome and any guidance you have provided, even unsolicited. I also suffer from 'I know things and I can help! For a long time I had a sticky note on my monitor that said 'nobody asked for your opinion' and 'stop talking'. It helped, for a bit. I've learned that some people talk to talk but like me I don't ask people for help (it's actually a fatal flaw). I'm just talking it out. I want to let people talk it out, feel supported, offer assistance if needed but otherwise... sometimes people have to wander around in the desert for a bit.
It's so funny you mentioned 'stop talking' because I mentioned this in the Writers Circle this month, my goal was to shut up. I overgive and by the time I've read the room, it's too late.
I appreciate you so much for reading and commenting! It feels good knowing that I have a safe space within my community to share these secrets I am tired of keeping.
When I hired a business+life coach a few years ago, we talked about receiving support from family+friends. They've been supportive with providing me the material things I needed to keep my businesses running, however, they never wanted to listen to what I wanted or had going on. Probably because they didn't know how to connect, lack of interest or just didn't care. Too busy talking about themselves and I watched how quickly they changed the topic. That hurt my feelings So I said fuck it. I can't change anything about that and they will be who they are at the end of the day. So I stopped bringing it up.
Eventually, I found others that take the time to show an interest in what I have to say and genuinely care. We celebrate each other. I'm an emerging artist that has so much growing to do in the art+writing worlds and getting the support from other like-minded creatives makes this experience a lil easier. To know that I'm not truly doing this alone. I don't worry so much about the small number of people that know me well that's not supporting me. I'm thinking of the people that are supporting me...and that's a lot.
Unsubscribe and ignore people that disrupt your peace. Life is too short to worry about these folks and there are so many people out there that haven't met you and will soon become your supporters. I know this is easier said than done. I'm cheering for you all the way from Detroit 🤗.
You know Alex, you said something that put the cherry on top for me!
Friends are not my supporters so therefore I need to stop looking for support from friends. That's been my issue friends are meant to share those intimate moments with and to encourage you, but they may not always be on the other side cheering you on too. Girl, you got me thinking about a sequel to this now from this new light.
We should be careful of our expectations of our friends+family. Some of them do wish us well but we can't be upset if they choose to not completely support our businesses/crafts. You can't invite everyone on the ride with you. Perhaps they show up in others way but when you're passionate about your craft, it's hard to see that. We want cheerleaders on the side from day one...but from who?
There are millions of people that wanna hear what you have to say.
I was looking for joy in making sure I help other people. I never put as much effort into myself as I do others. It’s sad. I put people on a pedestal even though they don’t ask to be or even think of me in that sense.
I haven’t experienced bullying on here and I’m sorry this has happened to you Jacquie. People are mean and it’s easier to be so behind a screen. In the streets I’m sure they ain’t got no smoke.
Keep being yourself and doing what you can. We, the Black Stack family are PROUD OF YOU!!
That part about putting people on a pedestal is so real!
Quick story: a couple of years ago I was in a situationship with this guy and I put my business on hold while I exhausted myself to grow his business and when we ended things his business has struggled since. That's when I realized I could never do that again, I lost a year of my life with zero return on my investment. So now that's how I am treating my energy as an investment.
And to you and the BlackStack family, I will exhaust my energy into this community always now because this is the family that supports me when I do make those big leaps.
You and I are a lot alike. I offer support however I can. However, I have learned that I can’t give to the point of depletion. I did that most of my life. It wasn’t until I was damn near 50 years old when I started getting angry with people for taking so much from me. The truth is, I gave it away.
That’s what we not gone do no more!
I give only what I can give freely without worrying about what I get back. I don’t say yes, when I mean no. My body physically will no longer allow that.
Give your energy to yourself. There are so many of us, who truly see and appreciate you.
Another lesson I have learned, is when people stop showing up, it’s not about me. It’s about their lack of capacity. Everybody ain’t like me. They don’t think like me. They have their own shit going on and that’s on them.
I’ve given too much in my lifetime, to give energy to people who don’t deserve me. It doesn’t mean occasionally I don’t get my sensitive feelings hurt. I try not to wallow in it.
We are alike in more ways than we realize, the more we open up and share our stories in such vulnerable ways! I see a lot of myself in your writings and it gives me grace with myself that I don't have to have it figured out.
In 2020, I realized for myself that my body will literally shut down if I deplete myself trying to give when I have no more to give. I ended up in the hospital after taking my daughter to daycare and going to work because I was over my head in responsibilities that I placed on myself. I have this need to prove myself, prove that I am worthy of stability.
I'm working through this while understanding that everyone is working through their own shit like you said, it usually has nothing to do with me. And I learned to write it out when I find myself wallowing in those sensitive feelings, I believe that is why this piece felt so freeing once I finished it on Saturday and scheduled it for today.
Thank you as always for your encouraging words and reflections Karen!
Ugh. I'm so sorry you've been experiencing this! I'm so glad you've decided to pour your energy into reciprocal spaces. You deserve support and care. I've had some awful experiences via people I supported in what was meant to be community spaces in the past. It was shocking and at the time confusing. I've realized now that something about my essence really stirred something up within them. Something I can't quite name. A number of things possibly. I'm always so in awe of your ability to lead with your vulnerability and truth in this space. I'm glad you're choosing to protect your peace!
Omg, you hit the nail on the head with this line "my essence stirred something within them" because YES! Intuitively I understand this yet my human experience and my ego just wallow like Sadness in Inside Out until I pull myself together by bringing myself to the understanding that is through allowing my vulnerability to lead the way. Wow, this really spoke to a part of my spirit that understands this on a soul level yet my human mind and conditionings are slowing coming to terms with this acceptance.
It's wild because I was JUST sharing the experiences I had with a close friend of mine a day ago. She was aghast as they say. I still don't quite have the words for what happened because these were people I supported and they quite literally lashed out and attempted to try and make me feel small. Thankfully I don't believe there is anything small about me - and I don't believe there is anything small about you either. Our greatness sometimes makes others feel a way about themselves. I'd certainly prefer for them to be able to name it for themselves and pour love into it, but we all have our paths. I'm so glad my words spoke to you!
Jacquie, as you can see in the comments, you're not alone at all. I went through similar dynamics in my writing journey when there were several online friendships that I thought were one thing....and it turns out they were not. And the abandonment really hurt me, and I remember feeling like it was my fault because I put my heart into it too much, maybe expected too much. Anyway, this made me feel seen and thank you so much for sharing your heart.
Thank you for sharing this GG, it’s difficult navigating that feeling of it being “my fault” when you have no proof. Online friendships and tricky as Ashleigh said and I agree I’m learning. But I’m glad this experiences happened to teach me reciprocity. I think it protects us that choose to share our gifts and reassures us that our work is worthy of energy exchange rather than giving it all away for free depleting us.
MOOD: I subscribe to being selfish with my energy and whom I choose to give it to.
I live by selfish energy. That way the world gets the spillover from my cup. If I disappear for a bit it’s to recharge cuz I will not be in these streets half full.
I struggle to find the words to say to you at times to let you know the appreciation I have for you and all that you do in private to show your support to me. With every private celebration you share with me through your support I want to scream from the Substack mountain tops THANK YOU RACHEL LEEKE!
When I wrote this piece and woke up to the love and support never did I think how YOU just showed your support over these past 24 hours would be a result. WOW.
I don't know what to say other than THANK YOU, since day one before I had 100 subscribers you found me and supported me. You always have and I appreciate that you are rooting for me!
My heart goes out to you Jacquie. I’m here because beautiful Solarah shared your essay in one her posts. I thought it was just me but I have many examples of what you were talking about. The most notable is a lady who I really admire who just stopped interacting with me here on Substack but didn’t unsubscribe to me. Ghosted me. And all those she interacts with many of her subscribers, one day she just stopped communicating with me. Like a friend in junior high school that stopped talking to me. That really hurt. Sending you my love and empathy.
This is a relatable read for me as someone who has also often jumped to be of service to others (Virgo sun, Leo Venus) and been mistreated and exploited in return. It makes me want to give up on people but then I remember that'd make me like them, not me and actually I have a lot to love about myself. Discernment is what I'm learning instead.
And you wrote elsewhere that you get backlash for your "dedication to healing and evolution" but I and many others do appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in what you share of yourself here so thanks for being you 🙏🏾🖤✊🏾
Sisssss. You said a MOUTHFUL in this piece! Coming from one genuine soul to another, I know how hard it can be dealing with fakeness when we show up pure in everything we say and do. And I think you showing up pure as you have been and continue to in your newsletter may be threaten people. Some may be too intimidated by the way you carry your truth and refuse to shy away from it.
Ooooweee about people encouraging you to take the leap but not being there to celebrate you when you land !!!! I too can sense the switch in someone’s energy towards me. The hardest part is facing their consistent denial and then later hearing them admit that things had changed. Feels like emotional manipulation of a sort. I struggle with playing back what I could have said or done differently to prevent the switch from happening in the first place. But we can’t take responsibility for nobody but ourselves. At this grown age if someone doesn’t have the emotional maturity to sit me down and address how they feel about me, I’ve made the decision that they’re not meant to be on this journey with me. Scary to think of how many possible haters you have in hiding surrounding you though.
I too struggle celebrating the support I do receive when it’s not coming from who I thought/hoped it would. But sis let me tell you this, you are amazing and your words are necessary to those who choose to read and support your work. I feel so connected to you through the words you offer and that says a lot. Keep walking in your truth!
Where do I even start with this sis? Everything you said is spot on! Sadly, people do this but I’ve learned to give them grace because it’s a conditioning they have not recognized for themselves yet. I see it, they may not, and if they do, they decided not to address it. I know they're not a safe space for me, and I choose to occupy spaces that feel safe to show up as myself authentically only. Thank you sis for your support and love when I show up in my vulnerability. This piece allowed me to be at peace so the overflow of love and support has been received, and that’s been healing a huge part of me. Thank you!!!
I battle with a lot of what you wrote here too. I am seeing more and more that people on all these social media platforms have an agenda….we all do, whether that agenda is to make friends, make money, be seen and heard, promote our cause, or be supported and circulated.
And now, I tread carefully with making friends online - especially in the climate we’re in energetically. Everyone and everything is falling apart and being brought to see their own naked ness…. for as long as they’re willing to. The collective shadow of humanity is flying amuck.
We’re all trying to make it right now in a broken world where we’re falling apart too, and trying to discern if it’s safe to crumble around some, or if they will try to deplete us more in their struggle for a temporary ego hit. The shadow wars are real, and as a highly sensitive person, I I find it difficult to participate on these platforms most days because just going through notes can disturb my frequency.
I am also guilty of encouraging people to go forward and past their own fears and limitations, but I’m not always loyal in following through anymore. Not because I don’t want to or am insincere, but because it is hard sometimes to show up for others when I need to be showing up for myself and my children.
It’s hard to pull myself away from helping others because as a child I was made to feel useless unless I was doing, or contributing. As an adult, I am healing and trying to strike the balance - finding my true identity outside of being a people pleaser, outside of seeking love for how I can show up for others and sacrifice myself.
I am learning how to sincerely want and nurture the best in others without martyring myself. I am learning how to be self-preserving, and therefore seeing whose agenda truly aligns with my own….because so many love to prey on my desire to give and help, or just on my confidence and light.
I hope you find your balance because it is hard. I am trying to figure out my own level of feeling comfortable with the “social” aspect of social media because on many days it all feels fake and contrived to me. Maybe that is my own jadedness and heartbreak, but I can’t deny it is what I feel.
I am focusing now solely on doing what I want to do in these spaces, with the hope that once the dust settles, I will be aligned with those who genuinely wish me well and love my craft for no other reason than that they vibe with my frequency.
I applaud you setting your boundaries for what you will or won’t subscribe to here or anywhere…I’m a big proponent of that. I wish you the best, and that you find those who are doing the deep soul work that allows for them to love you sincerely in spaces like these… as I do the work too.
Leo season flares up the petty jealousies that people don’t want to take accountability for, and if you shine bright….this time of the year can feel cutting, especially as the full moon in Aquarius gets closer. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone in what you’re going through 🤗✨
Solarah!
There is so much that you shared in this comment that resonates with why I stepped away from my private reiki practice last year. For my entire life if I wasn't exhausting my energy into others' success then I was useless, I find that subconsciously my ego sought connections that would continue in that cycle.
My rising sign is in Leo so there is a part of me that is meant to shine and I've allowed my conditions to dim my light for too long. This post was my declaration to my light, the more I share my truth the vulnerable side that most people don't talk about that eats me up inside, then the more I will connect with the REAL love.
The more I focus my attention on nurturing the REAL love that I receive then the fake love will no longer bother me because I will no longer give it energy. I always tell people when I share my vulnerability I already healed through this but I share my process of navigating those emotions. I love that I can write with passion and realness in the moment but by the time I share it with the world I'm at peace, yet it still resonates with others right where they are at. That is healing. To me, that is how I continue my healing practice now, through my words.
I pour my emotions into my words and when the reader seeks compassion and understanding, my vulnerable moments hit home and touch their soul like it touched mine. That's the gift, that's what keeps me going even when I want to throw in the towel.
This weekend brought me a lot of clarity for this space and that lifetime friendships will come over time so I can allow those to be a gift. I think about my relationship with my partner and how she is my best friend, a connection I didn't form online and we built over time.
Thank you for reading, commenting, and sharing! This means so much to me!
You are so welcome!!!!
With your rising sign in Leo, you were literally born to shine and walk in integrity with your heart’s truth. Our rising sign is actually more indicative of who we are, and who we were sent here to be. I’m a Leo Sun and Virgo Ascending, so writing and speaking are what I’m here to give the world. Don’t get me started on astrology 😂
I have so much respect for beings who are REAL. None of us have all the answers - we’re all here trying to figure shit out, and when we’re real and vulnerable about this, we can literally change a heart, heal a mind, and save the world.
I’m so happy you found your best friend in your partner - that is a beautiful thing. As you continue to follow that big heart of yours, and show up in the light of your truth, may you one day look around and see all the love you give out surrounding you at last.
It is my belief that we all deserve to be loved lavishly, but we don’t always know how to love others the way they need, and some people don’t know how to love us correctly either. This is what makes true alignment with soul family so precious and rare.
Imagine what the world would look like if everyone just stayed around those they’re property equipped to love. Imagine what the world will look like once we align with those who love us truly for who we are, and the feeling is so mutual.
It sounds like that world already exists for you and your partner. And is exists for me and my children. So, it’s not a far fetched thing to believe that it’s possible in grander and bigger ways ☺️
Thanks again for a thought provoking and heart clearing post 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🤗🤗🤗
Creating a world for my family to experience unconditional love was our mission when we left our home in NC to plant our roots here in California. It's been a lot of beautiful lessons learned along the way and my intention is by sharing the realness others will be inspired to create this world we both learned to create for ourselves.
Just to let you know Jacquie and Solarah what you both have written today has given hope and turned on my light a little brighter. Blessings to you. I would like your comments, but for some reason I can no longer do that unless I use the app. Both of you have a warm beautiful day. ✨💖💫🤗
Oooo I want to say so much. Let me grab my laptop because GIRL! You said so much that I left out but YES! Be on the lookout for another comment from me about THIS!
I look forward to it. Your post really spoke to my heart…I felt it 🙏🏾
Wow! So honest. ♥️
So many truths here. I appreciate your words.
Thank you Solarah for addressing your battles with friendships from social media platforms. I too will be treading carefully when making friends online, actually killing it altogether. It's just not worth my energy when I am trying to give it to myself, my kids and the purpose I came here for. I came to Jacquie's piece from the one you posted today. It's weird because I am taking a hiatus from Substack, more like a Sabbatical. I have nothing more to write about at this time. I was going to announce it but I don't have any paid subscriptions so seemed kind of narcissistic to me. I guess I'm stating it here. The decision to do this came at pretty much precisely the time a friend I made here nuked our friendship. It was ugly and came out of nowhere. This is a person I truly cared for and only wanted to see her (yes) succeed. I helped her twice at a time she was really down and never once asked for anything. I never expected anything and was always respectful to her and appreciated boundaries. The break came when I was helping her out of a bind while simultaneously taking care of my shit and purpose, so it wasn't good enough. In her eyes, I became the worst person for that. It was jolting and cruel. I know who I am and my heart is light. It still cut though. This experience along with the feeling of leaving Substack to work on things I need to handle IRL along with building out a different platform for my work shows me it's the right time to walk away. It's not that I won't write again, just putting it down. When you know, you know. Temet Nosce all day in this bitch. I'm not running from anything, definitely running into. One thing is for sure though, when I come back, the first person I'm subscribing to is Jacquie. Solarah, keep being you. I've appreciated your Stack's wisdom and will definitely return to it. You ladies take care.
I’m going to miss you Chris. I don’t spend too much time here outside of posting, but the few times we’ve interacted, I’ve really vibed with your spirit. May you find those in real time who love and appreciate you for all that you are. Wishing you all the best with your writing and all things 🤗🤗🤗
Best to you as well Queen.
Thanking Solarah for introducing me to you Jacquie. I found you Jacquie through Solarah’s post. This has really helped me this morning come to grips with how I was ghosted here on Substack from somebody I truly admired. She didn’t unsubscribe to me, but she just stopped interacting with me. I have no idea why 🤷♀️ I thought perhaps she just lowered her presence here on Substack, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Anyway I will probably never know the reason why, but we only need a handful of good friends. That’s what my mother always told me when I wanted to be popular back in junior high school. Thank both you ladies so much! Blessings to you! ✨💜✨🌞
You’re welcome Charlotte. Sorry for what you went through. I’m glad you’re finding peace through some shared experiences here 🙏🏾🤗
Thanking you both so much! This has been some thing on my mind the last few weeks and weighed heavily on me. And today it just disappeared when you and Jacquie shined your beautiful light giving me resolution and understanding. 🙏🤗💜✨
Sista Jacquieeeee….welcome to da Wild Wild West…😂🤗🥰 detachment is painful at first but NECESSARY when you are commissioned to be a LEADER.
Real appreciation goes a lot further than fake love.
And there’s a lot of that on social media.
Especially from bitches cuz their nature is jealous and their EGOs feel judged in the presence of healed ones.
Never let em censor you: Your true audience is waiting for you to show up AUTHENTIC errytime.
NEVER let em bully you: Same way they can easily see your sweet smile is how easy they can catch di SWIFT BACKHAND when they disrespect you.
(Also you can send me names 😏🥷🏼)
I’m not sorry you’re going through this because this is a part of the unbeaten path to your ASCENSION to FREEDOM.
I am happy to be your acquaintance and blessed by your heart for your people.
You got this. ❤️
Tabitha!
I appreciate your comment so much, this "leader" word is so triggering. It's been attached to me in many ways over the past couple of weeks and I think it's got a lot to do with this piece and what you are saying in this comment!
I am a walking trigger because of my dedication to healing and evolution, so whew the backlash for that path has always shocked me. Why do others hate that rather than be inspired by it?
But most aren't that way and that's what makes me and likesouls unique. We see and care differently, from our hearts with intention and care. I appreciate you so much, always!
Problem is, we all are called to lead in some way but most want to lead in ways they SEE not in the ways they BE. And then they get mad when either it’s not them doing what you do or them being too afraid to do what they should be doing.
Personally I feel relief when I see someone else step up and do some shit cuz I’m usually the INNOVATOR and rarely just a PARTICIPATOR and that shit can be tiring. Especially when it’s in a lane I don’t even care to be in but the driver is missing. 😂.
Meanwhile, you will always be a magnet (for good and evil) especially the closer you get to DIVINE BALANCE. Fortunately, the more you define (not defend) your boundaries, the more you will naturally repel the vampiric energies that want a cheat code to your hard earned status.
These are words the Ancestors told me to stop my cleaning to tell you. Let da Niggods be with you.
Whew I had to screenshot that to save for a some meditative journaling! This is a message!
If some people don't appreciate you find some that do. It's sad when people don't show you the same love that you show them but I guess that's part of life whether on this platform or another. Whether online or real life.
Keep doing you, friend.
It’s so sad but I’ve been pushing through it by continuing to show up and the people who support me replace the ones that don’t in NUMBERS! This is the first time I’ve experienced both sides and it’s been a weight lifted off me to speak my truth about it.
Thank you, friend! 😉
The tragedy is that we can't just find some who do because they don't go around with tags on their foreheads that state “I genuinely care.” You might’ve exhausted so much time and effort for certain people before realizing everything was a charade and they don't give an inkling about you.
It sucks, it really does! But, I'm glad Jacquie was able to vent because not everyone is willing to throw such bluntness.
But how I wish people came with "I genuinely care" tags. I might just wear a "Fragile" tag on mine to avoid people mishandling me moving forward. I am going to explore with my fragile tag looks like energetically.
😂 life would be so much easier for real! It would save us a whole lot of bullshit
Thank you, Essy! I appreciate you saying this because I sat on this piece for a long time for the fact that it's not something talked about openly. Maybe that's my style of writing, perhaps I'm the vessel being used to say it!
Keep going sis! Being true to yourself in your writing can be really therapeutic, and you wouldn't be silenced 💪
Yeah, some people are good at pretending to care about others.
Too good for my personal liking.
Snapping my fingers to this beat so hard.
Know that I have appreciated the enthusiastic open armed welcome and any guidance you have provided, even unsolicited. I also suffer from 'I know things and I can help! For a long time I had a sticky note on my monitor that said 'nobody asked for your opinion' and 'stop talking'. It helped, for a bit. I've learned that some people talk to talk but like me I don't ask people for help (it's actually a fatal flaw). I'm just talking it out. I want to let people talk it out, feel supported, offer assistance if needed but otherwise... sometimes people have to wander around in the desert for a bit.
It's so funny you mentioned 'stop talking' because I mentioned this in the Writers Circle this month, my goal was to shut up. I overgive and by the time I've read the room, it's too late.
I appreciate you so much for reading and commenting! It feels good knowing that I have a safe space within my community to share these secrets I am tired of keeping.
Jacquie I felt every single word of this!
When I hired a business+life coach a few years ago, we talked about receiving support from family+friends. They've been supportive with providing me the material things I needed to keep my businesses running, however, they never wanted to listen to what I wanted or had going on. Probably because they didn't know how to connect, lack of interest or just didn't care. Too busy talking about themselves and I watched how quickly they changed the topic. That hurt my feelings So I said fuck it. I can't change anything about that and they will be who they are at the end of the day. So I stopped bringing it up.
Eventually, I found others that take the time to show an interest in what I have to say and genuinely care. We celebrate each other. I'm an emerging artist that has so much growing to do in the art+writing worlds and getting the support from other like-minded creatives makes this experience a lil easier. To know that I'm not truly doing this alone. I don't worry so much about the small number of people that know me well that's not supporting me. I'm thinking of the people that are supporting me...and that's a lot.
Unsubscribe and ignore people that disrupt your peace. Life is too short to worry about these folks and there are so many people out there that haven't met you and will soon become your supporters. I know this is easier said than done. I'm cheering for you all the way from Detroit 🤗.
Be gently with yourself, Love.
You know Alex, you said something that put the cherry on top for me!
Friends are not my supporters so therefore I need to stop looking for support from friends. That's been my issue friends are meant to share those intimate moments with and to encourage you, but they may not always be on the other side cheering you on too. Girl, you got me thinking about a sequel to this now from this new light.
Exactly! 🎯
We should be careful of our expectations of our friends+family. Some of them do wish us well but we can't be upset if they choose to not completely support our businesses/crafts. You can't invite everyone on the ride with you. Perhaps they show up in others way but when you're passionate about your craft, it's hard to see that. We want cheerleaders on the side from day one...but from who?
There are millions of people that wanna hear what you have to say.
...but from who? whew!
"I battle in silence playing back memories like a high school kid eager to be better watching game replays in a locker room after the game. "
This feeling along with wanting to celebrate with the team but grieving the people who are supposed to be there. This hit.
I loved this article. I subscribe to rooting for you. ❤️🙏🔥
Thank you, Jessica! I really appreciate you reading, commenting, AND subscribing! Now that's what I call support so let's celebrate this major win!!!
I was looking for joy in making sure I help other people. I never put as much effort into myself as I do others. It’s sad. I put people on a pedestal even though they don’t ask to be or even think of me in that sense.
I haven’t experienced bullying on here and I’m sorry this has happened to you Jacquie. People are mean and it’s easier to be so behind a screen. In the streets I’m sure they ain’t got no smoke.
Keep being yourself and doing what you can. We, the Black Stack family are PROUD OF YOU!!
That part about putting people on a pedestal is so real!
Quick story: a couple of years ago I was in a situationship with this guy and I put my business on hold while I exhausted myself to grow his business and when we ended things his business has struggled since. That's when I realized I could never do that again, I lost a year of my life with zero return on my investment. So now that's how I am treating my energy as an investment.
And to you and the BlackStack family, I will exhaust my energy into this community always now because this is the family that supports me when I do make those big leaps.
Men will also prey on us who do that. She wants to help and he doesn’t want to commit. Just use the help.
You and I are a lot alike. I offer support however I can. However, I have learned that I can’t give to the point of depletion. I did that most of my life. It wasn’t until I was damn near 50 years old when I started getting angry with people for taking so much from me. The truth is, I gave it away.
That’s what we not gone do no more!
I give only what I can give freely without worrying about what I get back. I don’t say yes, when I mean no. My body physically will no longer allow that.
Give your energy to yourself. There are so many of us, who truly see and appreciate you.
Another lesson I have learned, is when people stop showing up, it’s not about me. It’s about their lack of capacity. Everybody ain’t like me. They don’t think like me. They have their own shit going on and that’s on them.
I’ve given too much in my lifetime, to give energy to people who don’t deserve me. It doesn’t mean occasionally I don’t get my sensitive feelings hurt. I try not to wallow in it.
We are alike in more ways than we realize, the more we open up and share our stories in such vulnerable ways! I see a lot of myself in your writings and it gives me grace with myself that I don't have to have it figured out.
In 2020, I realized for myself that my body will literally shut down if I deplete myself trying to give when I have no more to give. I ended up in the hospital after taking my daughter to daycare and going to work because I was over my head in responsibilities that I placed on myself. I have this need to prove myself, prove that I am worthy of stability.
I'm working through this while understanding that everyone is working through their own shit like you said, it usually has nothing to do with me. And I learned to write it out when I find myself wallowing in those sensitive feelings, I believe that is why this piece felt so freeing once I finished it on Saturday and scheduled it for today.
Thank you as always for your encouraging words and reflections Karen!
Nothing but love…
Ugh. I'm so sorry you've been experiencing this! I'm so glad you've decided to pour your energy into reciprocal spaces. You deserve support and care. I've had some awful experiences via people I supported in what was meant to be community spaces in the past. It was shocking and at the time confusing. I've realized now that something about my essence really stirred something up within them. Something I can't quite name. A number of things possibly. I'm always so in awe of your ability to lead with your vulnerability and truth in this space. I'm glad you're choosing to protect your peace!
Omg, you hit the nail on the head with this line "my essence stirred something within them" because YES! Intuitively I understand this yet my human experience and my ego just wallow like Sadness in Inside Out until I pull myself together by bringing myself to the understanding that is through allowing my vulnerability to lead the way. Wow, this really spoke to a part of my spirit that understands this on a soul level yet my human mind and conditionings are slowing coming to terms with this acceptance.
It's wild because I was JUST sharing the experiences I had with a close friend of mine a day ago. She was aghast as they say. I still don't quite have the words for what happened because these were people I supported and they quite literally lashed out and attempted to try and make me feel small. Thankfully I don't believe there is anything small about me - and I don't believe there is anything small about you either. Our greatness sometimes makes others feel a way about themselves. I'd certainly prefer for them to be able to name it for themselves and pour love into it, but we all have our paths. I'm so glad my words spoke to you!
Jacquie, as you can see in the comments, you're not alone at all. I went through similar dynamics in my writing journey when there were several online friendships that I thought were one thing....and it turns out they were not. And the abandonment really hurt me, and I remember feeling like it was my fault because I put my heart into it too much, maybe expected too much. Anyway, this made me feel seen and thank you so much for sharing your heart.
Thank you for sharing this GG, it’s difficult navigating that feeling of it being “my fault” when you have no proof. Online friendships and tricky as Ashleigh said and I agree I’m learning. But I’m glad this experiences happened to teach me reciprocity. I think it protects us that choose to share our gifts and reassures us that our work is worthy of energy exchange rather than giving it all away for free depleting us.
MOOD: I subscribe to being selfish with my energy and whom I choose to give it to.
I live by selfish energy. That way the world gets the spillover from my cup. If I disappear for a bit it’s to recharge cuz I will not be in these streets half full.
Rachel,
I struggle to find the words to say to you at times to let you know the appreciation I have for you and all that you do in private to show your support to me. With every private celebration you share with me through your support I want to scream from the Substack mountain tops THANK YOU RACHEL LEEKE!
When I wrote this piece and woke up to the love and support never did I think how YOU just showed your support over these past 24 hours would be a result. WOW.
I don't know what to say other than THANK YOU, since day one before I had 100 subscribers you found me and supported me. You always have and I appreciate that you are rooting for me!
Thank you 🫂
You’re a true talent, I’m a fan.
Thank you for your kindness. I take your words to heart.
"I take your words to heart" I feel the same way! Thank you!
Reading this was not only relatable in every word but it left me speechless and in awe at the same time 😮💨🤩
🥹🥹🥹
My heart goes out to you Jacquie. I’m here because beautiful Solarah shared your essay in one her posts. I thought it was just me but I have many examples of what you were talking about. The most notable is a lady who I really admire who just stopped interacting with me here on Substack but didn’t unsubscribe to me. Ghosted me. And all those she interacts with many of her subscribers, one day she just stopped communicating with me. Like a friend in junior high school that stopped talking to me. That really hurt. Sending you my love and empathy.
This is a relatable read for me as someone who has also often jumped to be of service to others (Virgo sun, Leo Venus) and been mistreated and exploited in return. It makes me want to give up on people but then I remember that'd make me like them, not me and actually I have a lot to love about myself. Discernment is what I'm learning instead.
And you wrote elsewhere that you get backlash for your "dedication to healing and evolution" but I and many others do appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in what you share of yourself here so thanks for being you 🙏🏾🖤✊🏾
Well I’m totally inspired by the healing that has taken place. The honesty. The strength displayed. Thank you for sharing your realness with us.
I’m glad you felt the healing that’s taken place! Thank you for reading!!! 🫶🏾
Sisssss. You said a MOUTHFUL in this piece! Coming from one genuine soul to another, I know how hard it can be dealing with fakeness when we show up pure in everything we say and do. And I think you showing up pure as you have been and continue to in your newsletter may be threaten people. Some may be too intimidated by the way you carry your truth and refuse to shy away from it.
Ooooweee about people encouraging you to take the leap but not being there to celebrate you when you land !!!! I too can sense the switch in someone’s energy towards me. The hardest part is facing their consistent denial and then later hearing them admit that things had changed. Feels like emotional manipulation of a sort. I struggle with playing back what I could have said or done differently to prevent the switch from happening in the first place. But we can’t take responsibility for nobody but ourselves. At this grown age if someone doesn’t have the emotional maturity to sit me down and address how they feel about me, I’ve made the decision that they’re not meant to be on this journey with me. Scary to think of how many possible haters you have in hiding surrounding you though.
I too struggle celebrating the support I do receive when it’s not coming from who I thought/hoped it would. But sis let me tell you this, you are amazing and your words are necessary to those who choose to read and support your work. I feel so connected to you through the words you offer and that says a lot. Keep walking in your truth!
Where do I even start with this sis? Everything you said is spot on! Sadly, people do this but I’ve learned to give them grace because it’s a conditioning they have not recognized for themselves yet. I see it, they may not, and if they do, they decided not to address it. I know they're not a safe space for me, and I choose to occupy spaces that feel safe to show up as myself authentically only. Thank you sis for your support and love when I show up in my vulnerability. This piece allowed me to be at peace so the overflow of love and support has been received, and that’s been healing a huge part of me. Thank you!!!