relinquish control.

I realized my need to control was based on a false illusion that I was in control of my life. Truth is that false sense of control is what creates the stress and anxiety I was trying to break up with.

This month the theme has been control and how I cultivated this unhealthy need for control. Not just in my life but in my reality. The more my life experienced changes the more I aimed to find control over something. Fast forward to today, I have learned to accept the only thing I truly have control over is how I respond to the changes in life. And although I have no control over how life flows, I have the power to control how I experience the flow of life and that is where I found my grace.

Image Source: Pinterest

Recently, I saw a post that said the house placement of where you have Pluto in your birth chart is the area of your life where you need to release control to experience transformation in that area. I pulled my birth chart so fast. She mentioned how generations are typically in the same sign but the house placement is unique to your chart. Being a millennial, my Pluto is in the Scorpio, but the placement is in my 4H. And let me tell you, the lady was not lying. In my last post titled, redirection, I was vulnerable about how moving to California has been a roller coaster of a ride regarding stability in housing. Guess what the 4H rules over, yep home and family. The way I have been trying to control my housing situation has led me to completely surrender to what is.

My focus had to shift from ‘I’m so ready to go home I will take anything’ to gratitude for the ability to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. I’m grateful that we came here with nowhere to go and over the last three months we have never been homeless, nor missed one meal. That’s not something a lot of people can say in this economy right now, especially someone in our situation. We all see people on social media using their platforms to fundraise money for a hotel for the night or to get a meal that day. It’s no judgment of them or their situation, but I am grateful that my family has not experienced this reality. Even on a fixed income, with no assistance we have enjoyed several warm, home-cooked meals while traveling across the country as a family.

Images of how I would live my life if I stopped trying to control the outcomes.

Insert from the book: Un-Trap da Hood

We shift into our new identities when we learn to relinquish control of how good life can be. There is an inner turmoil we create when we attempt to control how we experience freedom. The journey to freedom will be uncomfortable, but the beauty comes into place when you learn to adjust. One day the Universe gave me a clear example of what it feels like when you master adjusting to the flow of life. I was showering but the water pressure was back and forth along with the temperature, you know if you wash clothes while showering or flush the toilet. It wasn’t enough for me to cut my shower short, but it was irritating to experience this inconsistency during my self-care practice. Those that know my personally know my shower time is my meditation time, self-care time, and most of my most profound downloads from the Universe come to me in my shower time. So you can imagine how annoyed the situation was, but this is when I experienced my own personal growth. In the moment of bringing my awareness and focus to my breathe the shower went back to normal almost instantly. And as the pressure or temperature changed again I simply adjusted my body under the water. That is when the Universe revealed to me that this is all we have to do sometimes in life.

Rather than looking at the change we have to make as an inconvenience focus our attention on what adjustment we can make to feel comfortable.

Image Source: Pinterest

EFT Tapping

Lately, I’ve been feeling as though I am operating from functional freeze mode. Have you heard of this before? It’s described as a state your body and nervous system enter to prevent you from continuing to feel stress. If I am completely honest, the level of stress I’ve been feeling lately is unmatched trying to secure a home for us.

I’ve been looking for a balance between controlling the outcome and allowing it to happen in divine timing. To say the least, it has been a tough battle but I found a new hack. Before my go-to was meditation but when I am in freeze mode sometimes meditation isn’t enough. And before you say maybe you didn’t meditate long enough, I’ve spent 30 minutes in meditation once and still felt the emotions building up within my heart space. This week I’ve been using EFT tapping with affirmations while I am in the shower and while doing my skincare regimen. Yes, when applying my skincare oils I am tapping them in and affirming myself at the same time. GAME CHANGER!

If you haven’t heard of or experienced EFT Tapping please go read this article by Liana over at the BadAss Growth Corner titled Emotional Freedom Techniques: What the Hell Are They and Why Should You Give a Damn? The breakdown in this read is chef’s kiss and the language is so on brand so if you enjoy reading my Substack you will enjoy this read!

Something about the water in the shower as a Scorpio sun sign hits differently when I am releasing emotions and attempting to get grounded. It works every time but now using EFT tapping is shifting my identity in real time. I’ve been using home affirmations to visualize how it feels like to go pick up keys, sign the paperwork, take my first step in the house, and wake up each day finally home. I started to incorporate EFT tapping into my self-care regimen a few months ago because I can feel the energy shifting in my body as I tap into particular areas. I used EFT tapping to help me jump timelines into the identity that wasn’t afraid to move to California and here I am. So in my opinion the technique works for me and it’s helped me affirm myself with things that feel out of reach for me.

Images of self-care with EFT tapping integrated.

What is control anyway?

Control is an illusion. By definition control is the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events. An illusion, because our self-discovery journey has taught us that we do not have the power to direct other’s behavior nor do we have the influence to direct a course of events. If we did then we would live in a world full of control, and thank goodness that is not the case. We do have the power to influence or direct our emotions, and how we respond to the course of events. But we drain ourselves trying to control the outcome of our experiences throughout life.

When you put things out into the Universe, be honest with yourself, how often are you letting the Universe work it out in your favor? And how often are you hyper-focused on controlling how the Universe orchestrates the miracle or blessing? I can admit that I thought I could micro-manage the Universe and control how my miracles unfolded. That is so embarrassing to say aloud.

I’ve been on a self-discovery journey to connect with the version of myself that is living a life full of freedom. As I have completed writing my first book, I have identified a part of me that I once could not understand. For many years I have been obsessed with black culture, now yes I am a black woman but I did not feel accepted by the black culture. I discovered this through writing my book, the shifts in language showed me how I was once trying to fix into the culture without realizing I was already a part of the culture. What I discovered was my desire to be free in expression as the culture has mastered beautifully.

Until writing my book, I had not realized that I was free in my expression too but I hadn’t allowed myself to express it. Let me explain. The image used in this post and my other articles represent the version of myself I wish to become. The women express themselves through their style and idgaf attitude. I desire to be free enough to express myself in that authenticity, but I have controlled what I can express. This is a conditioning from my household growing up, my family wanted to portray the image of black wealth and viewed my attraction to expression as ghetto.

To me, when I look at black culture I see a group of once-suppressed people that found an outlet to expression. I see a group of people free within their expression to be authentic. Now in my book, I discuss how culturally we have been conditioned to remain trapped in our mind through some of our mindsets. The hustle culture is one example I know we can all relate to, and freedom to me looks like resting in our luxuries through our expression. There are various forms of expression in the black culture and I had to accept that my path is just as respected as hood culture. I do not have to portray hood culture to be accepted in the black culture.

I permitted myself to show up as a black author, who writes about the things she observes within her culture that have kept us suppressed. I challenged myself to be the chronicle of change by pivoting in life until I broke free from the cultural traps. My writings are my creative expressive outlets to share my findings with my culture. I honored my work to be no different than Kendrick Lamar’s penmanship as he speaks for our culture through his diss tracks this month. Layering deep understanding with surface-level imagery to capture his audience through storytelling. As a black woman part of an expressive culture, why would I doubt myself? Why would I try to control my expression to be accepted? I learned through my chronicles of change that my desire to control is rooted in insecurities, and if I free myself from my insecurities I can free myself from my control.

Expressing freedom through images that represent my culture.