hood therapy vol. 8

The gig is up America. We want our shit back and to break free from the cultural traps to initiate the change to make America great for once.

“When I ask what are we healing from, I am talking about the cultural conditions that have imprisoned us. The street code that keeps us in the shackles we are fighting to break free of. Something within us is craving more depth in our lives, we question what are we living for. We are longing for a sense of purpose in life. That feeling of belonging, to be accepted.”¹

That paragraph is on page two of the preface of my book UN-TRAP DA HOOD. I decided that I needed to prepare for the official launch of my book and that I would launch in the Fall. I need the time to read through the book to implement the teachings in this work of art. Through the

BlackStack

community, I have already established a safe space for us to honor our truths, and we can call this book a collection of mine,² and of course this OG Substack community.

I remember being at the beach in the Airbnb wondering what I was about to do with my life, and this book was the only thing that allowed me to feel like I had a purpose on Earth.

To share this story of how I broke free of the matrix and started living the life of my dreams, it’s so beautiful how my Substack turned out to be the timestamps of the journey. If it wasn’t for this community here I don’t think I would have completed this passion project and published this book so I want y’all to have a signed copy of the book so I can personally thank you for your support!

Earlier this week,

Mariah Maddox

posted a note about how my writing makes the readers feel. And I’ve been riding a high since seeing that note. Y’all have a unique way of making people feel seen and I’m reconditioning myself now to embrace it because I recognize the love as safe and genuine.

It’s been so many of you recently loving on me out loud for all to see, my sisters. This community is giving me sisterhood and this space feels like we are now finally old enough to sit at the table with Grandma and ‘em. Now we realize why our favorite Auntie never stayed at the table very long and would love on you before leaving the function early. She ain’t have time for the foolishness either.

You could say that the spaces I am cultivating for Black people are a chance to say something about the things discussed at the table and to tell Grandma that the kids coming in and out don’t run up your light bill.

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When did Black love stop being a life goal?

Certain songs remind me of periods of my life that we can call core memories for the sake of the Inside Out 1 & 2 reference being on trend. And Lenny Williams with the famous ‘oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…oh’ serves as more core memories than one. The first is a cultural one, Steve Harvey on The Kings of Comedy after that lady threw that pair of underwear on the stage, and the second is my grandfather’s house whenever I used to cut the light onto the bathroom.

My grandfather showed me Black luxury from an early age, his home reeked of Black excellence in every way imaginable. When you went down the hallway to the left was the bathroom and you hit the light on the right on the wall under the hand towel holder. I used to hit the light and imagine that I just opened the doors to the most popular nightclub on a Saturday night.

The light would come on and all you would hear is Lenny singing how good this woman has been to him and how much he is missing her now that she moved on. I remember when this song would play I would always tear up feeling the emotions he expressed throughout that song. Now mind you I was no more than about 8 or 9 years old at this time, I knew nothing he was singing about but I knew the song made every Black man hug and love his woman around me when it played.

I wanted to find the clip from The Kings of Comedy because I knew those who watched this classic would experience the nostalgic feeling I had when watching the clip and listening to the song. I’m a crybaby that’s nothing new and yes my wife just caught me hiding behind my laptop screen watching the clip with tears RUNNING down my face.

As I explained the reason behind my tears I discovered they were more healing than from sadness. I was healing little ‘Boo’ by acknowledging that I miss that feeling of family and home connection. After having no contact with my mother for about six months talking to her this week was heartbreaking as she updated me on what now feels like extended family.

Love is foreign now for them and it pains me to see them cracked out on anger and misery. I pray they find peace for themselves, but deep down I know they will return to Earth one day to learn this lesson. That’s not something I can change and I am making peace with that. I understand why I had to leave, I would not have survived to recover this time.

I miss my granddaddy so much, when he was here the family was filled with love.

Growing up with my stepdad felt like living in an episode of Martin, but I was offstage in one of those rooms in the back. My mom is high-yellow as we call it in the South and my stepdad is a dark-skin, clean-cut, Money Mike type of man.

I learned about Black love through my granddaddy and my stepdad. I remember the happiness and joy of my grandaddy’s van, ‘Green Machine’, parked outside the school parking lot because he got off early to pick me up from school. Or the way my stepdad looked at my mom the first time I watched The Kings of Comedy with them as my mom laughed so hard I hadn’t seen her that happy.

They loved the Black women they married in the way that Earth, Wind, & Fire sang about love finding its way into their hearts. My mother used to smile more, and cuss less, and her days were filled with laughter when she was married to my stepdad. My grandmother got dressed and took pride in her appearance when my granddaddy was alive.

a visual of how much my mom and stepdad used to remind me of Gina and Martin

Now they are mean, miserable, and unpleasant to be around.

I can’t help but notice this in people that I know who have not experienced unconditional love. I was people before learning to love myself.

“You will have opportunities that require you to not only face your fears but nurture them with compassion and love. While being encouraged to take accountability for loving yourself in the same love language you seek from your partner. This is if you are in a relationship or not. It hits differently when the love we desire comes from us first. It sets the standard for how others have to love you.”³

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What do cookout vibes mean to Black people?

My Daughter: What’s so good about these songs?

Me: They remind me of when I was your age growing up.

What if I told you this conversation with my daughter is what inspired this week’s Hood Therapy? I also knew I wanted to write a piece that would allow me to break down my book in the way I am encouraging my client to use a specific book to help her attract her clients through her Substack newsletters. Through music and spending time packaging my book orders, this week’s newsletter was birthed.

But there was a conversation in the

BlackStack

chat this week that has had me thinking about, what is Black culture in its entirety, inspired this section.

We all share different experiences and it seems that Black culture today is woven together by your involvement and knowledge, even memory, or hip-hop culture. Black culture has shifted, and I don’t think we realized it. We’ve been conditioned to believe that there is an actual card that validates our Blackness yet we don’t all have one common way of defining Black culture, which for me is a much greater issue on our hands that needs our attention.

“The problem is we don’t talk about it. A lot of us are silently suffering from traumas that do not belong to us, but are conditions passed down to us. We are healing from our culture’s conditioning. The generations before us were taught how to survive in a society that was designed to wipe us out. Our culture and the conditioning of it were formulated from thoughts and ideas becoming beliefs of how to save our culture. On one hand, it worked, but on the other, it created a domino effect of a culture that does not know itself.” ⁴

Mariah mentioned Blue Magic hair grease burning her neck with the hot comb, and while that was not my experience the voice of my Grandma Lousie yelling for us to stay in or out is an experience I will forever remember. While some of us remember what went down in the elevator others might remember shared memories with loved ones when the sounds of Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind, & Fire blast through the speakers of your record. Our experiences are all different and unique to us as individuals but I can’t help but wonder how we define Black culture to gatekeep it.

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Why did Black women start selling sex?

Maybe it’s just my unpopular opinion but I think we should have left that to the Playboy bunnies back in the day and kept our dignity.

“A lot of times I have found that we mistake self-worth with self-esteem, I confused the two for years. Growing up I was taught self-esteem was based on how I viewed myself. It was not until I started to desire better for myself that I realized self-worth was not demonstrated growing up. The generations before me struggled with a sense of self-value leading to experiences to support this lack of value in self.” ⁵

This is some real personal shit I am about to share with y’all that I’ve never talked about before.

I’ve always wanted to be viewed as sexy, but I’ve always been the cute girl. Compliments like gorgeous, beautiful, and pretty were always what I received. And I’m not complaining but the more sex started to sell within the Black community the more my type was fading out.

Pretty girls were thrown to the sideline like the good guys.

As the good girl black girl shows like Sister, Sister were replaced with video vixens associated with our favorite songs, girls like me were friend-zoned for the girls in the Apple Bottom mini skirts and the fully developed bodies.

Don’t get me wrong I always had the desired shape but I’ve also always been a little more curved in some areas than the desirable bodies. A pretty face with a big booty is what I have always heard about my physical qualities but it was never the word sexy.

So of course I did the most rational thing anyone would do and I started to dress like the video vixans. Tight-ass jeans, skin-tight leggings, crop tops (and remember I’m extra tummy-loving around here so I did not need to be in a crop top with tight pants), short shorts with a little cheek hanging out, mini skirts so short I could barely bend down to pick up anything, looking back I didn’t have any real friends because someone should have told me to let it go like Frozen.⁶

I’ve been struggling to find what my style looks like at 33 quickly entering into my 34 era, my body still has that extra curve in my tummy area, back, and chin. iykyk. Before heading out West I challenged myself to buy clothes that fit my body, and I’m finding myself with shirts oversized or too small and huge fucking pants that don’t feel sexy when on the hanger.

My major in college was fashion, I was known for having style in high school, and in my twenties my whole career was in cosmetics, I should have had a developed style by now that doesn’t over-sexualize the shape of my body without leaving me to feel undesirable even within my marriage. I question what my wife sees in me sometimes when I let myself go, how does she still find me attractive as I have gone from the style woman hosting Hood Therapy events at the sneaker shop on the corner downtown on Elm with the long curly locs, to this me.

I’m learning to love this new version of me that I get to reinvent. My mindset is different now, if I’m unhappy with something I change it. My body size is triggering so I’m making a change. I don’t like my style so I’m finding myself to express those parts of me in my style.

My teeth have been an ongoing issue as I have been focused on my throat chakra energy and my sense of self-worth. Now that I am settled I have decided I am going to schedule a dentist appointment to get seals put on my teeth with cavities and get this chipped wisdom tooth pulled. I want to blind the world with the sprinkle of my smile embraced with fashionable custom grills to compliment my silver tooth kid energy.

I want to have a healthy relationship with my body and food so I’m looking for yoga and pilates classes in the neighborhood so that I can go to some 6 am classes and morning jogs by the shore so my body looks natural. And although I’m not sure what my style will develop into I know I am tired of my body being what limits me from achieving the looks I have in mind. So I am changing that while redefining what sexy is to me through the eyes of the beholder. Tattoos, grills, and gold are sexy to me paired with colorful fun nails, bold glasses frames, and a fly fit is already me.

1. Excerpt from UN-TRAP DA HOOD, Preface, pg. iii

2. Sentence from UN-TRAP DA HOOD, Preface, pg. ii

3. Excerpt from UN-TRAP DA HOOD, Preface, pg. ii

4. Excerpt from UN-TRAP DA HOOD, Chapter 1: Baby, Who Raised You?, pg. 3-4

5. Excerpt from UN-TRAP DA HOOD, Chapter 7: I Denounce Dominance, pg. 59

6. I’m referencing the song ‘Let It Go’ in the Frozen Disney movie. Remember I have an eight-year-old I know the Disney movie references were crazy this week.