Wisdom from change.
As the sun was rising above these ocean views I began to affirm myself that mountains will be moved for me because of how committed I am. The Universe really don't play about me and my life is proof.
Every pivot point in my life was because I was no longer in alignment. And each pivot has handed me an opportunity for what I truly desired. The ocean waves have become a sound that I have grown familiar with. Each morning I sit on the balcony and watch the sun rise with the ocean as my view. Seeing the sun come up against the reflection of the ocean is a sight I give gratitude for each time I see it because I asked for this rest and recharge. Before coming to the beach for 3 months, my sunrise views were the Tennessee valleys and mountains with the sounds of goats and chickens because I asked for self-sufficiency skills. Even before that, I wanted downtown city views, with the sounds of city living because I wanted to have stability, and that is how I manifested my dream downtown apartment.
But then I realized how every pivot I have suffered emotionally because of grief. My commitment to the Universe was that I would live my life in my authentic purpose and serve others in exchange for the life that was designed for me. The commitment was easy because that had been the pattern I continued to resist. I found fulfillment in all of my endeavors in life and always put my all into the project. Which is why I experience so much grief after an endeavor would end. Not to play the victim because I am not one, but all of my endeavors ended because the person or company would take my kindness as a weakness. The agreed payment would be late or not paid at all with no communication, people would use me for my creative aesthetic with little to no recognition. People whom I supported rarely showed up to support me. In housing situations my privacy would be violated or the agreement would be one-sided. People really disappointed me in my past, and that was starting to create resentment in my heart.
In my meditation, I began to do some intentional releasing with myself, and I noticed my language shifted into affirming myself. I realized my life is truly the main character energy, the moment was like a scene from a movie.
I don’t believe I was able to see how amazing my life was because I was stuck in a cycle of struggle. The things I believed about myself kept me in the limitations of struggle. Which kept me in survival mode, operating from a mindset of scarcity. In this realization, I understood why I was given this opportunity to rest and recharge at the beach with these luxury views. My recharge was seeing this sunrise each morning and giving gratitude for my experience. This has been programming me to show gratitude daily for all of my current experiences and past ones. The rest has allowed me to surrender to the struggle. I was putting limitations on life that kept me from taking a step back to recognize my life was beyond what I could have imagined for myself. I am experiencing exactly how good my life can be. The more I let go of my limitations, the greater life can be.
Then I began to ask myself if I allowed myself to experience life freely, with no limitations how would that look. I started thinking about how I feel when I am not struggling, and how ambitious I feel. I am happy, and content with my life. I never feel as though I need more or that it’s not enough. I am usually in a state of bliss on a true high of gratitude in those moments. It showed me that my life with limitations keeps me from showing up, feeling accepted, and being true to myself.
I began affirming, I am taking up space unapologetically. This morning there was a couple that I noticed when they walked on the beach. They were taking their time, they seemed very patient with each other and with life. This is why they caught my attention. Normally, the beach police will come by to do a routine check and they drive directly on the beach. Their presence is typically entitled, people have to run or jump out of their way because of how fast they are normally driving ON THE BEACH. Anyway, the couple was walking in the tire tracks in the sand because they were getting close to the entry point. Today particularly, a lot of people are because the tides are coming onto shore very close to the entry points. The officer decided to drive off the moment everyone was getting closer, they were heading towards the car’s direction. The couple was closest at the time and they did not move out of the tracks. At first, while I was observing I thought to myself why aren’t they moving out of the way? Then the life message became clear to me, they were taking up space. My judgment turned into inspiration almost immediately. I realized I don’t take up enough space in my life, and the fact my initial response to them was judgment showed me in real time I don’t take up space. So my affirmation became I take up space, unapologetically.
No longer will I move out of the way for others, nor will I continue to get off my path to allow someone or something else to pass me. What this means is I have allowed life to show me how good it can get, but every time I try to control how we get there that is me getting off my path.
I’m thinking what does that look like in my life, in what ways do I not take up space? Then I thought about all the times I didn’t show up for myself. The times I didn’t show up because I was afraid of how I would be perceived by others. All the projects were left incomplete because I was afraid of how they would be perceived. The events and networking I missed out on because of fear I would not be accepted. Every time I talked myself out of leaping because I didn’t believe I would be accepted. My entire life has been limited to my fear of taking up space.
Whole time, it’s been creating this inner conflict because baby I am the main attraction. And I mean this in the most unapologetic way. My whole life I have been told that my energy lights up the room, or my event was such a vibe.
During this recharge and rest, I have grown to accept this about myself and honor it. My life is an aesthetic, my life is a vibe. People are drawn to me because of that and my experiences have shown me. When I lived downtown, my life showed me how easily I can attract my dreams, in Tennessee life allowed me to see the shifts in energy with people towards me, and life brought me to the beach to release the emotional pain and resentment I’ve been carrying.
The reflections come up best when I think about home. At one point I started to think my obsession with this constant longing for home was something I would never achieve. On this quest here at the beach it’s been coming up more and more. The beach feels like home to me but I don’t want housing options available when it comes to beach living, it would have to be in a way that my bank account currently can support. So that struggle energy has been throwing hands at me for at least 3 months if not longer.
My birth chart started piecing together my life. When I started looking at it to help me understand what life was trying to give me, things started to click. My obsession with home is because in my past life, according to my South Node placement in Cancer, that is all I know. Remember, I was talking about how home situations would turn left. This is because the theme of my life is to experience not to be provided for but to establish a secure stable home environment for myself. My North Node in Capricorn influences this theme in my life that forces me to experience a lifetime of fulfillment at home with my family in an unconventional way. And that’s my reality. I do not have the conventional marriage I once longed for, I found true love in a woman that is my best friend. She pushed me to be better and I do the same for her. My living situation right now is not conventional, we are full-time travelers right now.
With my Midheaven placement in Taurus, it confirms the way the world views me is a vibe. I attract people through my aesthetic and my life. When I think about how I am being led to show up in my work life it’s through sharing my experiences. In this season of rest and recharge, I have been blessed with the opportunity to achieve financial freedom. With the influence of both my Midheaven Taurus energy and North Node Capricorn energy, I have had to learn patience and consistency in order to build a sustainable business. As I have been accepting the parts of myself that I once denied, the brand has been able to blossom and I have a clear understanding of my direction.
Understanding my birth chart has given me the opportunity to free myself from the struggle, and allow life to show me just how amazing my experiences can be. I’ve accepted that nothing is permanent and everything must change. There has never been a time in my life that change handed me something worse than I had. Each time my life has elevated in some way. I learned that in the transition of change, life does not have to be hard if you focus on shifting your energy. It takes the same amount of energy to worry as excitement. What I have been practicing to redirect my old pattern is when I feel myself worrying about the uncertainty in my life, I remind myself of all the amazing opportunities I have experienced in those moments. I remind myself how everything always works out for me. Yes, these are affirmations but they are also evidence that I have found to be true in my life.
If you sit with yourself long enough, you will begin to speak affirmations over your life when you realize nothing you ever feared has actually happened. And that reality will start to shift a lot of your perspective about life.