Welcome to my chronicles.

After years of boxing myself in, the desire for change grew to be greater than my desire to stay comfortable. So I embraced the pivot and opted in for temporary discomfort to take me to new heights.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and this one speaks many to me. The stairs spiraling down and up depending on the direction you are headed. It reminds me of life, the journey of discovering the authentic you. We want to believe that this experience of life is linear, measuring our success on a sliding scale. Truth is, life is much like this staircase. Even when going up the spiral spin there is a slope going down, but we just have to shift our perspective of what that means.

For me, I decided to view these dips as opportunities rather than tests. An opportunity gives me the chance to see how open I am to flexibility.

I want to share this relatable opportunity I am currently faced with. For the last year, I have been manifesting stability in my life. Completely unaware at the time that stability was not a tangible asset nor was it associated with society’s definition. When I set my intention for this manifestation, my attention was on securing a home and being able to maintain the rent. Ha.

Few weeks later, I secured the apartment and I was able to maintain the rent. But that was all, we were still sleeping on a borrowed air mattress barely any food in the kitchen. Once I released I was asking for the basics, I began to set an intention for more. This cycle continued until I changed the manifestations completely.

Stability was still not evident for me. I needed to feel like I was a stable, but I wasn’t connecting the dots on what I was missing with this manifestation. In October 2023, my life took a fast turn and we sold everything in the apartment and moved on a farm in Tennessee. Still thinking about how we left our apartment makes me cringe now. Our plan was to stay on the farm until March 2024, and continue traveling to different farms until March 2025. Well by December 2023 we ended up at the beach and it feels as if we hit a standstill.

I do not feel very stable. I feel very uncomfortable. Fuck, it’s another pivot.

This time, I am not going to be emotionally distraught about the pivot. I have learned from my past experiences (lived opportunities) that it takes me further down the spiral than is necessary. However, this opportunity is teaching me that stability is not tangible. I was longing for something that I had to feel within first, just like love. In order to attract love you must first love yourself. In order for me to attract the tangible things that confirm my stability, I must first feel stable and secure within myself.

The Universe is teaching me this in abundance. Financially, it feels as though my family and I are on the extended vacation we were longing for. We have been putting out into the Universe that we wanted to rest and not have to worry about any bills. That is exactly what we are experiencing! I wanted to be by the beach so I would write, and my first book has already sold the first copy!

However, a few weeks ago I did not have this perspective, not even a few days ago. I was stuck in the mental prison of a furnished home and luxury lifestyle equated to stability. Then I went downstairs to grab my grocery delivery (because we are living in a gated resort) and while waiting I was mesmerized by the views of the pool and behind it was the sun rising above the ocean. The view was stunning. And that is when I experienced the feeling of stability for the first time. I was living my life like I was on vacation, because I was! My reality is that the Universe put me in position to rest in luxury while my greatest life is being aligned.

There is no more planning on my end, just intentions and focused attention on my intend. My intention is to obtain a permanent home address, my attention has been focused on keeping my frequency high to stay in alignment. Notice my attention is not how where the home will be, if it will be a house or condo, or how I will pay for it. I have learned that planning only brings us a life within our limited perspective. When we stay open to how good it can really get, we experience moments we could never have dreamed of.

We know by now the mindset shift doesn’t just happen, so this is what helped me. I started being woke up every morning between 3am and 5am, but I would get up and go look out the window at the ocean. Yes, we are that close to the ocean. As I would stare at the ocean amazed by how beautiful and consistent the waves come onto soar; I would give gratitude for being able to experience the moment. I would be so fulfilled and happy that when I would get back in bed I was smiling filled with joy. So when I woke up, my morning was filled with joy by default. The gratitude train would begin. As I make my coffee, light my herb, and look at the ocean I would give my thanks. Loving on my family, giving thanks for them being with me to experience this joy. Gratitude for the ability to make breakfast because I remember a time when we didn’t have breakfast as an option.

You see the Universe stripped me of everything I was holding on to scared that I would no longer feel stable without it. Not because I was being punished, but because I needed to be redirected back to myself. When I was holding on to things outside of me, I was neglecting myself the experience of feeling stable. Instead of feeling stable, I conditioned myself to fear instability by losing the tangible thing. Being in isolation without the tangible things, sounds scary until your conversation with the retired couple in the lobby of your resort about how warm the weather feels in January.

When I look at my life from this perspective, I feel very stable. I feel very secure. I am beyond comfortable at this time. My future is uncertain, but my present is stable.