fomo is the real gag
To think about what FOMO really is, it's kind of silly wouldn't you agree? Living in fear of missing out on something is very human of us.
The phrase FOMO is new to me, perhaps within the last two years it’s more of a common thing for me to hear now. Looking back I know why I never heard the phrase used, no shade but the people of my past live in FOMO. They fear missing out therefore their lives revolve around staying connected with the latest. From gossip to material status, keeping up with the Jones was an environment that raised me.
As I grew older, I can admit I grew apart from my family. The things that are important to them have never been important to me, nor have I understood why it was so important to them. My grandmother loves television, and it’s an unhealthy obsession. Whether it was intentional or not, growing up she would try to convert me into a television lover like her. To this day it never worked, now it might have gotten my daughter I hate to admit but I still hate TV. I mention television because, with shows and movies, I see how FOMO is created and escalated. My grandmother and my daughter both base their everyday life around this fairy tale reality from television. It becomes FOMO because they fear missing a new episode and even fear missing out on a life that is not their own. This is dangerous.
My grandmother raised our bloodline based on her FOMO of not being enough because of her dark skin complexion. That was passed through each of her children and given to me with the weight of their combined fears of not being enough. Heavier in fear of not being enough for more than just skin complexion but also education, value, worthiness, a credit score number, bank account statement, job stability, and culture perceptions. Here I am, looking at this bag of shit they gave me wrapped up like a gift with this big fucking bow, worthless.
FOMO is what fuels societal projections. The narrative is written to hit pain points to trigger and ignite our FOMO. This is by design, look at any marketing strategy and that is what it will tell you. The objective is to sell a solution to your pain, but the pain in this case is not truly pain, is it? We fear missing out on experiences that either prove our worthiness or that keep us feeling connected culturally. This brings up two thoughts for me; is FOMO where we developed our self-worthiness meter and why does our culture shame individuals who live their lives freely?
Is our self-worthiness meter developed from our FOMOs?
I can admit my greatest FOMO was being married and experiencing a traditional family traditionally before thirty. Naturally, at twenty-four when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I thought it was finally my turn. By twenty-six getting back into the dating scene but now as a single mother, my self-worthiness meter was out of balance. I am embarrassed to say how I begged men for years for the bare minimum and depleted myself to just be enough. I depleted my energy by trying to be the perfect partner so I could prove my worthiness of being married and having a family.
That’s what my self-worthiness journey has revealed to me over this past year. The things I accepted from relationships were because I was living in my FOMO of not being enough to be chosen to marry and have a family with. Was I worthy of black love, would I have to seek love and validation outside of my culture? What about me wasn’t enough for someone to see a lifetime of unconditional love? Could this FOMO have developed standing by the door crying those random out-of-the-blue Saturdays when my dad never picked me up? Or was it conditional love I experienced from my family that only loved me if I carried their FOMO burdens?
That worthiness meter was set based on the metrics of others, not my standards, yet that was how I measured my worthiness. I soon came to realize this standard was associated with my controlled need to be perfect. If I could be the perfect daughter then maybe my mother would accept me, validate me, and love me without conditions. Or maybe if I could be the perfect daughter, my father would finally want to have a relationship with me. This strive for perfection became a part of my identity, burdened by the pressure of being perfect just to satisfy my FOMO.
Why is our culture so hypocritical?
Black culture taught us FOMO. This is going to be a very unpopular opinion but there is truth in these words.
When black folk were “freed” from slavery, our ancestors took their skills and cultivated a new world for themselves. Naturally, we know how to work with the land, the stars and when we are in tune with ourselves we are aligned with the Universe. This is no secret, but at some point as America started to cultivate this idea of an American Dream black cultured developed it’s own FOMO. I do not take away the brilliance of black America as we adopted the mindset we can have and do the same things that America doesn’t want us to have access to. Creating our own hospitals, schools, churches, even joining political parties. As much as I love our progress as a group of people, I believe this was the start of conditioning the black culture into a fear of missing out on what white America is doing.
Before slavery, who were we? I don’t believe we all were on a slave ship from Africa, in fact I believe we were cross-breed in the same fashion that dogs are. I personally believe my bloodline is from America and that I am not of African distent. Why were we “choosen” to be slaves? What skill sets are naturally encrypted in our DNA that makes us so influential?
And that last question leads me to my point…
Is there really a black culture or has black culture been replaced with hip-hop culture? Because what is black culture? It seems like black culture today is the struggle of being black in America. The fear of missing out on what white America has and is doing so we cultivated our own version to not be left out. Did our FOMO of the American Dream develop our black culture? Before you get defensive about it, let’s really sit back and think about it. What trade skills do we as a culture possess?
I lived and worked on a farm in 2023, and that experience opened my eyes to how much of our true culture we gave away. Black folk are connected with the land, with Earth. Why do you think we are all started to desire self-sustainanity rather than this material world? Instead of the doctors and hospitals, why didn’t medicine women, midwives and doulas remain within our culture? Instead of soul food, why didn’t homesteading remain within our culture? Instead of hip-hop going mainstream, why didn’t it stay in our underground culture? Why did we adapt to their culture and not just embrace our true culture?
As we all grief the crumble of black culture heroes, let’s also break free from the culture traps. The things that we are all striving to achieve or acquire in life, check in with yourself to see if that is aligned with the authentic you. Diddy painted this image for black culture that life was about getting money, going out partying and impressing the most beautiful women. After the allegations coming out from multiple people, we are grieving the Diddy FOMO effect. As for millennials many of us have been over the FOMO of that lifestyle but that was the lifestyle we lived in our college years, and how many millennials do you know that are stuck in that era? We’ve grown up, had children, got married, got into our careers but miss the ‘ol days. The fear of missing out on black culture is what these “heroes” created.
But how can we have FOMO of a lifestyle that never truly got anybody ahead in life?
FOMO reversed.
Now, hear me out. Regardless if black culture was curiated from a little FOMO of the American Dream it’s still in my bias opinion better being black. Our culture took FOMO and played society like the reverse card in UNO. We took our blackness, our ghetto style, our authenticity our natural features and made society use our culture as the blueprint. They copied everything about us, we are the standard of beauty with lip injections and tanning salons being a lucrative industry for years. The sneaker industry has now been taken over from white teenagers to middle aged white men. Everything black has been taken and sold back to us.
It’s beautiful to see from millennials to the youngest generation loud and proud to be black. It’s a badge of honor, the one thing that can’t be taken from us. We can’t have FOMO of being who we are, only they can. And I love this for us.
But could we use this power to change our culture in a positive way? What if we decide as a culture to reject mainstream norms? What if we supported small black businesses, indie artists, and bought back our neighborhoods? After all, we are the new adults, right? We are the ones hosting the cookouts now, so we control the playlist rather than letting the radio play.
Earlier I mentioned how my grandmother and my daughter’s love for television can be dangerous, my daughter’s dream life is the FOMO reversed. My daughter, whom is eight, has this belief that the world is going to be a better place. She wishes for black people to be respected, and treated fairly. With the numerous of protect during her life she and I have had some serious conversations about black people and our place in this world. Both sides, she know who we were and how we are perceived. Babygirl is not with the ways of the world, she questions society just like I did except this time no one is stopping her. I allow her to actulate her thoughts and express her concerns openly and freely, because I believe in raising a black child who is a critical thinker, a free thinker. I refuse to have her forced to live blinded by the truth, no not mine.
Nor do I crush her dreams of one day black people getting the respect we deserve, because her momma wrote a book to break us free from the cultural traps. So how could I crush her dream when we share the same dream? Instead my mission to untrap the hood is fueled by the inspiration of her dreams. Our dream is for the our culture to feel as free and good as we feel when Good Days by SZA plays through the speakers. You see, I made a choice to break free from generational pattern of passing down the baggage full of FOMO. I opened the bag out of curiosity and sorted through the FOMO. I processed emotions that did not belong to me and I set my daughter and myself free from living a life filled with fear and misery. Fear to live out our dreams, and miserable because we didn’t get to live out our dreams. That cycle has ended. UNO reverse on that FOMO, the baggage, the cycle, the generational curse, the culture traps.
Thank you so much for reading this piece, the more I continue to write the more joy and fulfillment I experience and I am noticing an increase in engagement. Love this so much! If you would like to show your love and support for my writings you can become a paid subscriber, purchase my book that is now officially published, or comment and share this post. Either way I am overflowing with gratitude!